i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it because I queefed?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
