but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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