saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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