I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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