I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
