Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
