I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
