I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
