I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
