Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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