so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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