I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize