i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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