Do you still have your period?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
