Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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