he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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