also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
