remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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