Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
