grandma shit on top of the toilet
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
