the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
