STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
