you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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