in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
