Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
