You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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