Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
