I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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