is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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