I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
