he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
false alarm. still invincible.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
