so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
