Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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