he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize