I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
