It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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