you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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