Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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