We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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