I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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