so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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