all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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