I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
