hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
