What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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