I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
