life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
mondays should just be called national damage control day
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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