I want to walk on stilts...naked
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
