I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
