Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
