Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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