oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize