I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
