Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i've created a new STD.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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