I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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