The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
