I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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