you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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