You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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