My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
