How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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