There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
