he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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