there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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