I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
