So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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